I’ve been trying to figure out, what exactly it is that I’m good at. It’s difficult to establish when you witness a sea of people prospering, and you feel somewhat stagnant in life. I have yet to have that eureka moment, I’m still in this place where I’m pacing, floating, waiting……
I started this blog late 2016, in hopes that it will spark a passion that I can stay committed and consistent with. But like most things I have started, my interest diminished and then I become complacent, lazy and uninspired. I have an unfinished Destiny’s Child drawing that depicts the current state of it all. I never bothered to complete it, yet it had all the potential to look somewhat decent but I never finished it. This scares me. I’m I always going to start something and never complete it? Will I always set my self a goal and yet fail to accomplish it? I had to question if I started this blog for the right reason; I’m I doing this just so I can appear to be productive? I’m I trying to do what everyone else is doing? I mean blogging is the new journalism now. Internet is where it’s at. The opportunities that can spring forth with the right exposure, anyone could potentially be someone. But yet I find my self observing, like a voyeur, just peeping though the peep whole that’s instagram, Twitter and all other social mediums, that allows those to have the grotesque gratification to boast of their accomplished goals and achievements. Goals, goals goals, slay slay slay, yaaas yaaas yaaas. Me me me, I I I. That singular pro-noun is daunting. That ‘I’ doesn’t have much to it. I’m not confident if I am to start a sentence with ‘I’ there would be much to follow from it.
I live at home with my parents with a underpaid job, and I’m a part time student doing a masters in media communications at the age of 27. It could be worse, in fact it can be worse, and I am grateful. I have shelter, I am fed, I’m educated, I have a job, I have my health. The essentials right? But I’m consistently up at night scrolling through feeds belonging to strangers, in hopes of finding what? I don’t even know at this point. It’s become such a mindless habit that it’s lost it’s meaning. The wonder and amusement that was once packaged with the rise of social media has gone for me. But yet without failure, I’ll still look, I’ll still scroll, I’ll still shake my head, knowing it means nothing, and your dreams won’t come knocking at your door.
I guess the purpose of me writing all this is for me to start looking for my dreams! I’m tired of being complacent, I’m tired of my laziness I’m tired of the mundaneness of it all. I know I’m not the only one that feels this way, so I guess this might help to encourage some with that same nagging feeling. I don’t have a concrete plan, I don’t have it figured out, but guess what? I’m optimistic. We just gotta keep doing! Keep looking forward, despite the wait. Keep searching but most of all keep active.
My goal this year, that I am challenging my self to score, is to keep active!!
So starting with this blog, it’s going to remain active.